Overcoming Fears: The Fear of Rejection

Photo: Dayan Ro

Courage is not the absence of fear,
but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.
Franklin D. Roosevelt

If you’re reading this, then you likely have experienced or are currently experiencing certain fears or worries when it comes to being a writer and all that it entails.

If this is you, let me start with an encouragement: by reading this post, you are taking a step towards the future you want and a step towards learning how to deal with the fears that may be holding you back from where you want to be!

I’d also like to take a moment to recognize that my words are written from my experience and perspective. I know there are other things that creatives experience that I haven’t or areas I can’t personally speak to. But for what I have experienced (and still occasionally experience), allow me to share what I’ve found helpful for me in the hopes that you find something helpful for you!

I’d also like to mention that we are talking about fears and getting into some deep subjects of mental health and emotions, so it may get a little intense as you explore these thoughts and feelings. That being said, I am optimistic that by going through some of the negative vibes you’re feeling you’ll find yourself relieved or find hope again.

You may be wondering how the quote applies to this subject of writing… keep reading to find out!

What are you Afraid of?

Before we get into what strategies and methods I’ve found helpful dealing with common writer fears, we need to ask an important question:

What are you afraid of?

Fear can present itself in many different ways, and often the thing that rises to the surface isn’t necessarily what the core fear is. If you’re in a moment where you feel fear or you aren’t able to get to the next level because of fear, take a moment and ponder this question. Really try to dig deep into the specifics of what you’re afraid of or what’s preventing you from the next step in your path.

Something I find helpful is a practice of ‘labeling’; when you’re experiencing a complex emotion you try and put a name to it. I thought it was helpful to note that (according to people like the Mental Health Foundation in the UK) they label anxiety as a type of fear. So when I’m talking about ‘fear’, that’s the larger term that covers a number of subcategories or types of fear.

The differentiator for me, and the MHF, is that fear tends to be more what is happening in the present whereas anxiety is something that “persists over time” and relates to something that may happen in the future. So when I say ‘fear’, that may be something that you are feeling in the moment or something that you’re anxious or worried about happening.

Fear of Rejection

Are you worried about what people may think about you or what you have to say? Or are you worried that by saying or writing something you may lose followers or readers?

If you’re anxious to post because you think you’ll be judged for your opinion or that the algorithm wont share what you’re posting, you may be experiencing a fear of rejection.

If it helps, I had worries about making this blog post because of all of the above! As much as those who follow me may think that I’m a super confident writer sharing awesome tips and encouragement, the truth is that I ask myself questions like this a lot.

I think there is a certain amount of self-reflection we should do when we’re thinking about sharing, like ‘could this potentially be offensive’ or ‘will this help build people up or will it tear them down’. The dividing line for me is when these worries or concerns go too far and prevent me from sharing something because of the fear.

Helpful Strategies

So if you’re someone who is dealing with fear of rejection, what can you do about it? What helps?

Part of the fear of rejection, at least for me, is a feeling that a lack of interaction with my work (or if the response to something I share isn’t what I intended for or is strongly negative) is a reflection on me as a person. Something I’ve found helpful to counteract this vicious cycling in my mind is a practice of positive self talk. This may feel silly at first, but I’ve found this method effective to help counterbalance the perceived or actual negativity towards what I’ve created.

When you’re looking to share something and you feel the thoughts of fear bubbling up saying things like “you’re not good enough to be sharing” or “people are not going to like what I have to say or share”, shut down those thoughts. Tell yourself “I am good enough. I do have something worth sharing,” and, “I like what I have to say, I hope others like it too. Even if they don’t, I still believe in what I have made” (saying these out loud helps!).

This flows into the next thing I’ve found helpful, especially for someone like me who is hyper critical about myself and a bit of a perfectionist, self-compassion. This may be an odd thing to be reminded, but you are a human and part of being human is that you don’t have it all figured out. You aren’t perfect! Why is that a good thing to be reminded, in a positive light? Because if you make a mistake or create something that isn’t ‘perfect’, cut yourself some slack and remember that you’re still learning and growing!

It is a good practice to look back at what you could have done differently after falling short from a goal. If you do so, do it from the positive perspective of ‘okay, I could do this differently and do better next time’ vs what the fear response says which is often ‘I don’t want to make that mistake again’. You will make mistakes, you will fall short of your goals sometimes. Be compassionate with yourself as you learn how to do better next time.

The last thing, though not the only strategy left, is to build confidence in who you are. What this means to me is that, if you know who you are (all your qualities, skills, and what you bring to the table) then when fear tries to tell you that you shouldn’t share because of what people might think, you can stand firm in knowing who you are.

Maybe someone needs to hear this today, but you have a story to tell and there are people out there who are looking to hear or see what you want to create (be it art, or writing, or some other creative outlet). By building confidence in who you are and understanding who you are more fully, you can pour out from this place of strength and see how people are drawn to the energy you put out there!

Overcoming my Fear

I want to reiterate that many of the fears I’m writing about are things I have to wrestle with often, and I don’t always win. I have found things that have helped me, and that’s why I’m sharing!

Using this post as the example, I wonder what people will think. I try to position things form a perspective and purpose of helping and encouraging, but I know not everyone will like it.

Why I pushed past that fear is that I want to see fellow creatives succeed. I believe that something I say here may be able to help someone else on their journey. Even if only one person gets something from this post, be it hope or encouragement or a strategy to overcome and deal with fear, then it’s worth it! I recognize that I don’t know everything, but I have learned enough that I feel confident in sharing.

This is why I really like the quote for today’s post. My desire to help others enables me to push past a lot of fears and worries. While it may not be the same for others, as you may have other reasons for why you want to share with the world, it has helped me as a reminder.

What the quote means to me in this context is that while I experience fear, anxiety, and worries like many other creatives, I recognize that helping people is more important to me than letting my fears hold me back from sharing.

General Strategies

If you’re still thinking about your personal fears and worries and feel like what I’ve mentioned thus far isn’t quite clicking with what you’re currently experiencing, I’d like to close with some general strategies that I have found helpful for a variety of things. If people find this kind of post helpful, I do have a plan to also share on some of the other major fears I’ve seen which are things like fear of failure and fear of the unknown (which require posts of their own).

One of the things I’ve found helpful with many kinds of negative vibes is relaxation, meditation, and mindfulness. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, a great resource to check out is Calm (https://www.calm.com/stress-anxiety). It has guided steps of how to deal with things like stress and anxiety and I’ve found it helpful when I’m trying to deal with these negative emotions (I’m not sponsored, its just a good resource).

Another tool I’ve found helpful is journaling. Fear has a bad habit of spinning around in our heads. For me, I’ve found that when I can take that negativity and put it onto something physical I can pull it out of my head and trap it on the paper. It also makes it a tangible thing that I can have an easier time to wrap my head around. (if you’re a Harry Potter fan, I like the analogy of it being like the pensive that Dumbledore and Snape have, though maybe a slightly different purpose).

Human connection and community support is another great way to help deal with what you’re experiencing (for which I’m glad to have found such a great community of supportive people on Threads and several discord writer groups!) Maybe this means confiding in a friend or a family member, or in some cases seeking out therapy or metal health resources.

How about you?

What are some strategies you’ve found helpful when bumping up against some of the common fears writers face along their journey?

I hope you’re able to find something helpful from what I’ve shared here. If you have a story to tell or creativity to show the world, I believe you will find a way and I’m here to cheer you on!

If you want to continue the conversation, come find me on Threads or X/Twitter!

If you liked what you read here and want to get more like it, consider subscribing to get an email notification when I post a new encouraging post or tips/tricks of writing.

Glen W.

References

Education on Anxiety and Fear – https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/publications/how-overcome-anxiety-and-fear
Stress, Anxiety, and Mindfulness training/app
- https://www.calm.com/stress-anxiety
- https://www.calm.com/blog/fear-of-change
Overcoming top 10 fears – https://www.choosingtherapy.com/how-to-overcome-fear/

Creative Writing Wizard